i choo choo choose you

Totally loving all the assessment that seems to be smothering me alive: music, drama, maths, french, biology, sose. 6 out of 7 subjects.. ilml.

I realised recently that my blog is kind of boring. I really only post pictures. I don't know why, they just seem to describe what I'm feeling better than words do. You know when you see something and it's like "that is EXACTLY how I feel, but it says it so much better than I ever could"? Yep, you know that? That's like, everytime I go on tumblr, or weheartit. It makes me look kind of unoriginal, huh? But then you know when you go on a site or blog and it's just a whole page of words, and you're like "Fuck me, I'm not reading this"? I don't want anyone (is anyone even reading this?) to go onto my blog and just be like "Nup".

So I guess I can tell you what's up. Nothing really. What's up with you?
Tuesday I had a maths exam and a French oral. Maths was pure torture, the usual. I don't know anything. I just can't learn maths, it's like a learning defect. French.... oooo French. It took me fucking ages to learn those lines. It's hard to memorise anything, full stop, but in a bloody different language? I studied and studied. And I guess it kind of paid of. Today I had a bio exam. I thought i did aight, but you can never tell if that is a good sign, especially when everyone else reckons they failed. I studied so hard.
Tomorrow, a maths exam (yep, another one) and ANOTHER French oral. Right? It's like Tuesday all over again. Friday, NOTHING. Thank the fucking heavens above.
But you know what this makes me think? If I'm going through this much stress and trouble in year 10, what will years 11 and 12 have in store for me? I shudder.

A hopefully good weekend is in store for me. I may be going up the coast to visit my grandparents, which is always fun I suppose.. naht.

I hope you are doing well :)
Goodnight!



Also, happy birthday to German Girl. Are you reading this? x

its all bullshit

it's one of those days. i don't like a thing about myself; i'm not smart enough, i'm not pretty enough, i'm not funny enough, not outgoing enough, not entertaining enough. i don't go for things and put myself out there, i care too much what people think, and sometimes not enough. i worry and think too much, and by the time i've made a decision, everything is shit anyway. i'm not good enough with the opposite sex, not creative enough, my taste is shit. i don't have the write style, i vow to do things, but never end up doing them. i spend too much time to myself. i compare myself to everyone, i'm not enough. i'm not worth saving, or looking after, or being with. i'm a hypocrite, i'm a bullshitter, i'm a bitch and a skank. i dream about stupid things, having goals like mine is useless. i waste time. at the end of the day, nothing is worth it.

life lessons to remember!

the thing about life is, you get so caught up in all the shit that's about you, that you just don't notice the things that should be appreciated anymore. you focus on all that negative crap about yourself, all your problems, fights, ltitle mistakes that have happened to everyone. you dwell on things in the past that you regret, and things in the future that frighten and intimidate you. past is past and future is future. what's happening right now is the most important thing. sometimes it takes some serious shit to help you realise this. sometimes you just wake up and reality hits you like a bombshell. nothing really matters; good grades, good education, nice clothes, expensive stuff, what people think of you. none of that shit is legit. it's about the little stuff. the little stuff means a lot. the sound of your best friend laughing, eating brekki with your family, having your dog jump up and lick your face. this is the stuff that life's about - this stuff is what makes the world go round. this is beautiful. this is life.